Bettendorf, IA

The weekend with Mike Armstrong in Bettendorf, IA was fun as usual. During a show, I told a drunk heckler she had a big ass and then I got to watch Mike win a lot of money on the slot machines. What am I supposed to say when a lady interrupts my show to say that "That people behind me can't see so they want me to sit on my ass because I have big hair." Apparently "Are you sure they don't want you to sit on your hair because you have a big ass?" gets a thunderous laugh.

The Quad Cities is also home to John Deere, maker of $300,000 combines. Like I needed another reason not to be a farmer.

Glenville, WV

Glenville State College is in Glenville, WV which is in the middle of nowhere. Seriously. People are actually bragging when they say that their outhouse has electricity. I wish I was kidding but I am not. The show on campus was held in The Rusty Musket. That does not sound like a student center at all but rather some sort of STD.



On the way there, I passed a minivan driver that thinks God is #1 and supports the Confederacy. The scariest part is this was on a minivan so that means the driver is breeding.

Mason City, IL

Mason City, IL is an unlikely place for a comedy club, but Mason City Limits in this small town draws people from all over central Illinois. I am working with Mike Armstrong again this weekend which is always fun.

During lunch at the Chestnut St. Grill, I noticed that they had clocks on their wall that showed the time in "California", "Denver", "Mason City", "New York" and "London". London?!? I am going to go out on a limb and say that I don't think there is a clock in London that says "Mason City" on it.

Los Angeles, CA

I performed at The Laugh Factory tonight in Hollywood, CA. It was pretty unbelievable being there just one week after Michael Richards went off on his hecklers with racial profanity.

(Photo by Jimmy Brogan)

I managed to make it through the set without any heckles. The intense part came after the show when Jamie Masada, owner/booking agent, told me that he wants me to do a longer set next time in order to become a "regular".

I am not sure exactly what that means but it was nice to get some positive feedback for all of the hard work I have put in.

Notre Dame Football @ USC

I went to the Notre Dame - USC football game tonight. This visit reiterated how much I cannot stand anything USC: the team, the band, the song, the campus, the people, the colors, all of it. The highlight of the night was when I saw a guy wearing an OJ Simpson jersey.

I suppose the knife and bloody glove are sold seperately. "One bad apple and we get that reputation," I heard another fan say. One bad apple? Double murder is not a "bad apple". Being kicked out of school for assault is a bad apple. Then again, USC doesn't kick kids out of school for that, so maybe that's why they don't understand.

Another favorite part was the half-empty student section. Way to show up and support your team.

The last thing I would like to mention is the USC band is horrible. They only play two songs and some still needed sheet music. Really? Maybe they should just sing the words instead of playing. Everyone now, "This is the only song we know. It's boring and it's slow".

Trenton, IL

It always makes me laugh out loud when someone gets offended at one of my jokes. Just check out my demo clips on my page to see how innocent my act is. Sometimes people get offended and feel compelled to write me an email. This was so beautiful that I had to share it with everyone.

I recently performed at the Citizens for Trenton Dinner in Trenton, IL. This is a small town near St. Louis where I went to high school. This is also a town where people are a little too serious about high school, especially those people that attended 30 years ago. So, I thought it would be fun to do a few jokes about the local Catholic high school, Mater Dei. I attended the local public high school, Wesclin, so someone got offended and decided to write me an email about it. I assure you that this is the unedited version of that email.


I was at Citizens for Trenton on Saturday November 4, 2006, I enjoyed just about everything except for your bashing of Mater Dei High School, their are citizens of Trenton, New Baden, Aviston, Breese and other communities that attend the Citizens for Trenton and who send their children to Mater Dei, myself included, I do not bash Wesclin. I feel the people have a choice of two good schools, our choice was Mater Dei for the Catholic education. Please be more carefully with your material in the future. I know other parents of Mater Dei students were offended by your material. just a side note my son who attends Mater Dei has many friends who attend Wesclin and are very good friends as well as their parents are friends with and my wife and I. Good Luck with you career in Comedy.


Unbelievable. Of course, I replied to this email by trying to explain that my jokes about Mater Dei are really no different than my jokes about marching band or crock-pots. I am sure the message was not understood, though, because my email was not written like I was in the first grade.

Boise, ID

Boise... State... Boise... State...

I could barely get to sleep tonight after being on sidelines for the Boise State vs. Fresno State football game. The crowd was so loud that the cheering echoed in my head three hours after the game ended. I had an all-access pass that allowed me to go anywhere in the stadium, so I spent most of the game on the sidelines of the blue turf. That is where I got a picture with the mascot, Bronco.

While I was in Boise, I also did a set at The Funny Bone Comedy Club. It went really well so I expect to be back there soon.

Virginia Beach, VA

When visiting Virginia Beach, VA, you absolutely must take a trip to Mount Trashmore Park. Rising nearly seven stories above sea level, the landfill (voted best park in the area) is the tallest point of land in the region. There is even a Lake Trashmore in case you feel like eating a fish caught in a lake right next to a landfill. Unbelievable.

On top of all this news, I happened to visit the park during the Lumberjack Championship. Forget the axe-throwing and log-chopping. The best part were the interviews after each event. Even more unbelievable.

Bob & Tom Radio Show

I was a guest on the nationally-syndicated Bob & Tom Radio Show for the second time. It was fun to be on the show with my good friend Mike Armstrong. Tom continues to marvel at the fact that I gave up my career as a CPA to be a comedian but it certainly provides a large target for them to get laughs. That target got even bigger when I told them about playing the trombone in the Notre Dame marching band: "I thought accounting was going to make me way too cool, so I decided to geek it up a little bit with some band".

Sioux Falls, SD

I just spent the entire day driving 750 miles with my good friend Dan Davidson, listening to him repeatedly sing Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual". Dan and I were working together at Nitwits Comedy Club in Sioux Falls, SD. The highlight of the week was sweating out the Notre Dame win over Georgia Tech. Just to see how I would react during my set, Dan sent me a note that said that Notre Dame had lost. Any true sports fan will tell you that this is never funny, especially when that sports fan is on stage at a comedy show. I needed a moment to gather my thoughts, so I decided that the entire crowd should join me in a moment of silence. Of course, no one in Sioux Falls cares much about college football, let alone knew that Notre Dame was playing that day, so it was the perfect moment for all the staff and other comedians to laugh hysterically.