Sunday, November 30, 2008

Indianapolis, IN

Crackers Comedy Club - Downtown Indianapolis is really becoming a rough room. It was pretty obvious that an overwhelming majority of the audience members were there to get drunk and not necessarily listen to comedy. It is getting close to a show that would happen in a bar, where the comedians have to battle the audience for attention. Except this is a comedy club in the downtown of a large city, so it shouldn't be like this at all. Comedy club audiences should respect the stage and what the performers are doing. If you want to get drunk, then don't come to a comedy show. It's that simple.

This all came together at the late show last night. The headliner, Geoff Keith, likes to talk to the audience a lot and make fun of some of the people. It came out that a guy in the audience was Shaun Parker, a semi-pro Mixed Martial Arts fighter. He was there with his girlfriend and two other couples.

Across the room, was a drunk guy that did not like Geoff's act at all. He decided to yell out "you're queer" about 30 times. Geoff had had enough and really shredded this guy to the audiences approval. He was wearing a red sweatshirt and red hat, as if he was a trying to a tough white gangster but he was obviously just a loser.

The staff finally decided to kick this guy out with his entire party. He wasn't going easily because he was completely embarrassed in front of the crowd. All of a sudden, he grabs a beer bottle and hits one of Shaun Parker's friends in the back of the head and the entire room blew up. Luckily, Shaun took control and pushed the melee out into the lobby as most of the crowd ran out the back exit. The comedy club manager called the police three times before they finally showed up -- after everything calmed down and the red sweatshirt guy had left. The police conclusion: despite having the reservation name and phone number, no charges will be filed since the red sweatshirt guy wasn't there anymore. How is that possible?

Shaun's friend was holding napkins to the back of his head, so I asked if he was doing okay. His exact response: "It's not my first rodeo." Well, that was definitely my first and I would hope that it will be my last.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Lancaster, PA

The snow seems to be following me wherever I go as the Philadelphia area got several inches on Friday.

This made it pretty exciting to drive in my top of the line Chevy Cobalt. How is it possible that a car can calculate the miles I can drive before running out of gas but doesn't have power windows or power locks? Hey National Car Rental, get someone else to choose your car features.

On my drive from the Philadelphia Airport to Lancaster, I was behind a Colonial Electric Supply truck for a bit. I couldn't help but notice their logo might be the worst in the history of corporate logos. It's a picture of a colonial guy lighting a street lamp -- with fire. Not sure if they know but this has absolutely nothing to do with "electric supply".

As I got closer to Lancaster, I drove by Christ's Home Office. I guess the flexible work schedule has made it's way to Heaven and Jesus has decided to work from home a few times a week. It seems a little pretentious to put a sign up but who am I to judge?

Then there were the shows at Stitches Comedy Club with headliner Paul Bond. He was a funny guy and I really enjoyed watching him perform. He is working on a pilot for HBO, so look for that in the next year. We decided to take this picture with a fan who thought he would get dressed up for his big Saturday night date with a skull 8-ball t-shirt. Luckily, he was a great guy and an even better laugher.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Lima, OH

I guess I can check off performing at an Eagles Lodge from my list. I just returned from a show with Mike Armstrong at a Fraternal Order of Eagles lodge in Lima, OH. Mike summed it up best when he said, "Apparently in Lima, Eagles means all white".

The most disturbing thing was the backdrop painted on the wall there. It was a graveyard with a skeleton coming out of its grave. Creepy. I was also amused by the large sign that stated in all capital letters "No Children on the Dance Floor". Yeah, because people in Lima are known for their stellar dance moves and we don't want kids getting in the way of the country line dancing.

I was told after the show that someone in the audience actually said, "He can stop with the TransAm jokes". Really? It took my show in November 2008 for you to realize that people make fun of your TransAm? Supposedly someone actually asked this guy if he had a trailor hitch on the back. Classic. Now that's a picture that I need to get someday.

On my drive to Lima, I was surprised by the snow. I am never ready for snow when it first comes.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

November 2008 Clinton County Comedy Tour

The Clinton County Comedy Tour was a success as we visited two new venues. Mike MacRae headlined the shows and everyone really enjoyed his comedy impressions. I hope we have as much fun whent he tour returns in the Spring.

Each time I do these shows, I always write a Top 10 about Clinton County. In case you missed the shows, here is the list:

Top 10 Signs the Holidays are Near in Clinton County, IL
written by John Garrett (

10. You see people in church you haven't seen since last Christmas.

9. Your family holiday dinner is at the American Legion because you are a Rakers. The Thole's are over at the VFW.

8. College kids come home from SIU Carbondale and complain about how hard it is to cook for themselves. Reason number 27 to go to Kaskaskia College.

7. You actually shoot the meat eaten at the holiday dinner.

6. You have to check your Christmas tree for critters since you cut it down next to your clubhouse.

5. People argue over which is better: a hayride in the back of a pickup truck or a hayride in the back of an El Camino. Either way, it is not a hayride.

4. People decorate their house for Christmas like idiots. Seriously, this isn't Summerfield, take down the inflatable Santa.

3. Kids start looking for good car hoods to use when sledding down the side of an interstate overpass.

2. The holiday parade in Carlyle consists of 4 marching bands, 3 old cars, 2 tractors and the Deien Chevrolet monster truck.

and the number one sign that the holidays are near...

1. You carve the pumpkin using the knife you just used to gut a deer.