Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Here's a little fun fact: rental car company's do not have backup keys for their cars. What seems like a basic idea to me is apparently too much for them to handle. So the easiest solution is out.
After talking with their Roadside Assistance, the best solution became to tow the car back to the rental car center. I needed to catch my flight, so I left. After landing, I call to make sure the car was picked up only to find out that the tow truck was too big to fit in the garage. Ugh.
The next morning, the valet company called to say the keys had reappeared! I called the rental car company and they said they would pick it up. This was finally going to be over.
Then I got the call that said the rental car guys went to pick up the car but it had already been picked up by two guys wearing ties. What? Who is going to steal a car wearing a tie?
This might be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
On my way to SeaTac Airport in Seattle,
I was able to take this really nice picture of Mt. Rainier...
and the Space Needle (it's been dwarfed since the 1962 World's Fair).
Sunday, November 30, 2008
This all came together at the late show last night. The headliner, Geoff Keith, likes to talk to the audience a lot and make fun of some of the people. It came out that a guy in the audience was Shaun Parker, a semi-pro Mixed Martial Arts fighter. He was there with his girlfriend and two other couples.
Across the room, was a drunk guy that did not like Geoff's act at all. He decided to yell out "you're queer" about 30 times. Geoff had had enough and really shredded this guy to the audiences approval. He was wearing a red sweatshirt and red hat, as if he was a trying to a tough white gangster but he was obviously just a loser.
The staff finally decided to kick this guy out with his entire party. He wasn't going easily because he was completely embarrassed in front of the crowd. All of a sudden, he grabs a beer bottle and hits one of Shaun Parker's friends in the back of the head and the entire room blew up. Luckily, Shaun took control and pushed the melee out into the lobby as most of the crowd ran out the back exit. The comedy club manager called the police three times before they finally showed up -- after everything calmed down and the red sweatshirt guy had left. The police conclusion: despite having the reservation name and phone number, no charges will be filed since the red sweatshirt guy wasn't there anymore. How is that possible?
Shaun's friend was holding napkins to the back of his head, so I asked if he was doing okay. His exact response: "It's not my first rodeo." Well, that was definitely my first and I would hope that it will be my last.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The snow seems to be following me wherever I go as the Philadelphia area got several inches on Friday.Chevy Cobalt. How is it possible that a car can calculate the miles I can drive before running out of gas but doesn't have power windows or power locks? Hey National Car Rental, get someone else to choose your car features.
Philadelphia Airport to Lancaster, I was behind a Colonial Electric Supply truck for a bit. I couldn't help but notice their logo might be the worst in the history of corporate logos. It's a picture of a colonial guy lighting a street lamp -- with fire. Not sure if they know but this has absolutely nothing to do with "electric supply".
Christ's Home Office. I guess the flexible work schedule has made it's way to Heaven and Jesus has decided to work from home a few times a week. It seems a little pretentious to put a sign up but who am I to judge?
Stitches Comedy Club with headliner Paul Bond. He was a funny guy and I really enjoyed watching him perform. He is working on a pilot for HBO, so look for that in the next year. We decided to take this picture with a fan who thought he would get dressed up for his big Saturday night date with a skull 8-ball t-shirt. Luckily, he was a great guy and an even better laugher.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The most disturbing thing was the backdrop painted on the wall there. It was a graveyard with a skeleton coming out of its grave. Creepy. I was also amused by the large sign that stated in all capital letters "No Children on the Dance Floor". Yeah, because people in Lima are known for their stellar dance moves and we don't want kids getting in the way of the country line dancing.
I was told after the show that someone in the audience actually said, "He can stop with the TransAm jokes". Really? It took my show in November 2008 for you to realize that people make fun of your TransAm? Supposedly someone actually asked this guy if he had a trailor hitch on the back. Classic. Now that's a picture that I need to get someday.
On my drive to Lima, I was surprised by the snow. I am never ready for snow when it first comes.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Each time I do these shows, I always write a Top 10 about Clinton County. In case you missed the shows, here is the list:
written by John Garrett (JohnGcomedy.com)
10. You see people in church you haven't seen since last Christmas.
9. Your family holiday dinner is at the American Legion because you are a Rakers. The Thole's are over at the VFW.
8. College kids come home from SIU Carbondale and complain about how hard it is to cook for themselves. Reason number 27 to go to Kaskaskia College.
7. You actually shoot the meat eaten at the holiday dinner.
6. You have to check your Christmas tree for critters since you cut it down next to your clubhouse.
5. People argue over which is better: a hayride in the back of a pickup truck or a hayride in the back of an El Camino. Either way, it is not a hayride.
4. People decorate their house for Christmas like idiots. Seriously, this isn't Summerfield, take down the inflatable Santa.
3. Kids start looking for good car hoods to use when sledding down the side of an interstate overpass.
2. The holiday parade in Carlyle consists of 4 marching bands, 3 old cars, 2 tractors and the Deien Chevrolet monster truck.
and the number one sign that the holidays are near...
1. You carve the pumpkin using the knife you just used to gut a deer.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
This picture might not be clear enough but it shows a Hummer dealership right next to a Smart Car dealership. Just in case you change your mind at one and want to go in the extreme opposite end of the gas mileage spectrum. Or you could buy both and just carry the Smart Car home inside your new Hummer.
Ford Festiva!" While I didn't get a picture of that one, I did manage to get these two:
If you drive a car with no hubcaps, then I really don't care what you think. Enough with trying to make a statement already.
Giggles Comedy Pub in Brookfield, WI. I used to live in Milwaukee, so it was nice to see some of my old friends. I really appreciated them taking time to come to a show with their friends.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
You know what people in Michigan don't like? Import cars. Any import car. They also don't like the words "Toyota" and "Honda". So I decided to shock everyone at Connxtions Comedy Club in Lansing, MI with a very funny joke that uses both words. As you can see from the picture, I was waiting for a beer bottle to get thrown at my face.Jill Lenkowski. They are really cool people despite Jeff being an engineer. It was nice that they brought a group of friends to the show, too.
In order to help promote the shows, Demetrius Nicodemus and I did a few morning radio shows in Lansing. It's not often that a radio station takes over an old two-story house and turns a bedroom into the studio, but don't tell that to Michaels in the Morning on 94.9FM.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
half-marathon (13.1 miles) and the eighth largest running event. This event features a lap around the famous track at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
winner was already back in Kenya.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Why was I there? Because Black Diamond has an excellent marketing campaign for their X-Boot. The idea is that fire boots by themselves are not exciting, so Black Diamond decided to make their booth a little more interesting. What would attract more than 35,000 firefighters and EMTs, most of which are male? Models. It was my job to let everyone know who the models were and talk to people as they passed by.
Aubrie Lemon (Deal or No Deal Case 23) and Carrie Stroup (Maxim). They were both very fun to work with. I believe my favorite line was, "Aubrie's been on TV and Carrie... owns a TV, so come say hi." It was amazing to me how these firefighters would run into a burning building but were reluctant to talk to Aubrie or Carrie.
Aubrie and Carrie thought it'd be funny to get my camera and take some candid pictures on the last day.
I think those two signs pretty much say it all:
Training in Progress and Emergency Scene Ahead.
One of the many self-portraits the girls took. It reminded me of the Ashton Kutcher Nikon Coolpix commercial, except I'm not Ashton Kutcher and none of those girls stuck their tongue out.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The shows at Comedy, TN were a lot of fun. It was nice working with Jeff Caldwell, too. You may have seen Jeff on The Late Show with David Letterman or The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Michael McCommon is a local photographer that was at one of the shows so he took a few pictures.
University of Memphis basketball team won their Final Four game because people Saturday night were in a good mood. That makes doing comedy a little easier. What doesn't make doing comedy easier is knowing the University of Memphis has a Men's and Women's Rifle Squad. I guess nothing can surprise me in Memphis anymore.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
It was not surprising when she felt the need to staunchly defend McDonald's sweet tea by yelling, "But it's only a dollar". My response, "Right on cue".
Monday, March 17, 2008
The reason I didn't perform on Saturday was because I had booked a corporate show near St. Louis, MO for that night. All was going well until NWA cancelled the flights out of Erie due to fog. This is when it got stressful and the Amazing Race (against the clock) started.
- try flying out of Pittsburgh (2 hours south)
- try flying out of Cleveland (2 hours west)
- drive the entire way (9 hours)
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Sunday, March 9, 2008
I had fun at Deja Vu Comedy Club with headliner Eric O'Shea. We even got to do the Cosmo & J.C. Morning Radio Show from Kaldi's Coffeehouse. That allowed us to talk about everyone walking by without them knowing.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tom continues to give me a hard time about being a single accountant. Even though it is radio and most people do not actually see me, I wore the shirt and tie combination to really bring my character to life. It seemed to go over well and I appreciated all the emails I got from listeners.
Monday, February 25, 2008
When I visited the gigantic mall, I noticed that there were a fair of guys that looked like the construction worker in Happy Gilmore.
There was a lady at one show who took a ton of pictures. She even has a blog about the show. My favorite part of the blog is how she thinks she was picked on because she was sitting close to the stage, not because she was taking hundreds of flash pictures during the show.
It was also fun doing radio with headliner Sheila Kay on Movin100.3. They were a great morning show that helped plug my entry in the TurboTax contest.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
My favorite thing about Appleton continues to be the fact that they have parking meters in their public library parking lot. Free parking is everywhere near the bars. That's right, you have to pay to learn but not to drink.
The shows at Skyline Comedy Cafe were a lot of fun. I really appreciate everyone coming out in such harsh weather.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I always write a unique Top 10 for each tour. For those that do not know, the State of Illinois recently passed a ban on smoking in bars. While this may seem bad for some of you, think about what could have been banned.
Top 10 Items That Could Have Been Banned
From Clinton County Bars
written by John Garrett (JohnGcomedy.com)
10. Camouflage because this means less people in a bar smelling like deer piss.
9. Cowboy hats because your horse isn't parked out front, Partner.
8. Can Coolies – especially wedding ones because there's no need to show off that you were at Randy's wedding. Odds are everyone else was there, too.
7. Chewing tobacco because no one wants to accidentally drink your spit can.
6. Babies because they don't need a drink until they learn to walk.
5. Middle-aged Ladies' Night Out because falling down while dancing to Baby Got Back is embarrassing. I don't like big butts and I don't lie.
4. Cover Bands because the only difference between you and a DJ is a DJ knows more songs.
3. County League Softball Jerseys – both Men's and Women's because either way, it's less testosterone.
2. Comedy because these Top 10's really get people riled up.
and the number one item that could have been banned...
1. Anything Mater Dei because, well, do we really need a reason?