Thursday, November 26, 2009

Paid Spot in NYC!

In less than two months after moving to New York City, I was offered a paid spot at Dangerfield's Comedy Club. The club was started by Rodney Dangerfield and hasn't been updated much since. I've been told they just removed the rotary telephones in early 2009. It's still a neat venue that has had hosted television specials and many comedy shows.

In case you'd like to know what a spot in the city pays:
$25 (or sometimes nothing at all).

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Clinton County Comedy Tour

The Clinton County Comedy Tour shows this weekend were a lot of fun. Thank you to everyone who came out and brought friends. Kristin Key really enjoyed herself and commented several times how unique these comedy shows are because nothing like this happens anywhere else.

Each time I do the shows, I try to write a new "Top 10" that has to do with Clinton County, IL. Some of these might relate if you are from a small town in the Midwest. Since I just moved to New York City, I thought there were some ways that I might be able to bring a little Southern Illinois to the big city.

Top 10 Ways to Clinton County-ize New York City

10. Have the Deien Chevy Monster Truck in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

9. Have a church picnic at St. Patrick's Cathedral. Can you imagine how many beer wagons that would be?

8. Rename Chinatown to Frogtown because I've seen both of them on a map but have never actually been. Then it occurred to me, what if I finally make it to Frogtown, IL and it's full of Chinese people?

7. The first day of deer hunting season -- stock markets closed. It's a half day of school so I think the world's finances can wait while people go kill stuff.

6. The Statue of Liberty will now be holding quilt bingo cards and a Ski bottle torch.

5. In order to make the Broadway in New York City like the Broadway in Trenton, IL, I am going to drop a four-way stop right in the middle of Times Square. Maybe even a car wash. That way everyone from Clinton County knows where to meet. "See you at the four-way."

4. Central Park is no Kaskaskia River but I bet it'd look better if we built some clubhouses and had four-wheeler rentals.

3. Have a Rakers family reunion at Madison Square Garden. It's a basketball arena but there'd still be standing room only.

2. Rename the Mets-Yankees "Subway Series" the "Milk Bowl" because it involves a team that always loses (the Mets) and a team that is the root of all evil (Mater Dei).

and the number 1 way to Clinton County-ize New York City...

1. At New Year's Eve, instead of a lighted ball drop, we'll have a huge washer going into a PVC cup. That's five points. Unless it's windy and you get a leaner. Then it's only 3.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Reading, PA

It was nice to spend a weekend doing shows in Reading, PA at the Reading Comedy Outlet. I guess they were trying to play off the outlet malls in the area but it also makes me feel like I have some less than desired jokes. I guess Reading Comedy Flea Market is a little too ridiculous so the "outlet" name stays.

The drive to Reading was fun until I got about 15 minutes north of the city on Hwy 222. Warning: don't ever drive on this part of the highway with your vent open. There is a rotting death smell that will clear your sinus for months. The locals claim it is the mushroom growing area but that sounds like the weirdest excuse for rotting death I have ever heard.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Las Vegas

If you look closely, that's me on the marquee outside The Riviera in Las Vegas. Right below the gigantic Charo in Concert and Crazy Girls Sexiest Topless Revue. And right above the Neil Diamond impersonator. Perfect.

Note to self: don't ever book this week in July again. Here is what the local news channel had on their screen Tuesday morning.

I think the word "HOT" is a bit of an understatement. This is the only weather report I have seen that was dead on every single day. It might have only been 107 on Wednesday but that's close enough for me.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Bermuda Cruise

Well, I can check "go on a cruise" off my list. I spent the past five days on Royal Caribbean's Grandeur of the Seas on a trip from Norfolk, VA to Bermuda. In case you have never been on a cruise, this is what it looks like.

It's hard to believe we avoided the Bermuda Triangle because our captain was on the intercom more than he was driving the boat. Do I really need to know the ocean is 28.000 feet deep right here? It was worse than a Southwest pilot flying over the Grand Canyon.
The first thing I did when I got on the boat was to participate in a Muster Drill. That's their way of saying, "Welcome to the expensive cruise you paid for, here's who you'll be in a lifeboat with when the ship goes down". Let's just say I planned on finding a new group when the chaos ensued. I'm not floating in the middle of ocean in a lifeboat with some moron who has to ask how to put on a life jacket.

Once we got to Bermuda, I made the most of my time there by going SCUBA diving at two ship wrecks: Constellation and Montana. Here are the certificates to prove it:

Okay, so they are just generic certificates that I wrote my name on but it was still a really cool experience. The Constellation wrecked when trying to deliver goods to the Confederacy during the Civil War. It was amazing to think about being around a ship that old.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Greatest Picture of All Time

I have a joke about how awesome it would be to see a Trans Am towing a trailer. Every show I ask the audience to email me a picture so I can put it on my blog and Eric in Green Bay, WI came through! His friend Justin put this together and it is hilarious. They even included the Osh Vegas sign! (see previous post)

Friday, April 10, 2009

I'm on TV!

I was a guest on The Bob & Tom Radio Show yesterday morning. WGN installed cameras in the studio so they can air the show on TV the next night. The cool part is that one of my jokes was used in the intro segment of the show.

This was my first comedy appearance on television. It was a great way for people to hear my comedy that may not live in a Bob & Tom radio market. If you want to know when something like this is going to happen again, please sign up for my mailing list at

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Saturday Night Live!

My good friend Keith Alberstadt is a freelance writer for Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update so he was able to get two tickets to the show. Seth Rogen was the host so it was bound to make me laugh a few times. I wish I had more pictures to share but they are super-strict when it comes to taking any pictures -- even on the elevator. Weird.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

More New York City

There are things that you see in New York that (a) you will never see again and (b) no one else pauses to watch the weirdness unfold.

Take this guy, for instance. He sets up in the subway station with dancing dolls and plays music on a keyboard and boombox. I had to get a picture of this magical moment but didn't want to seem too "touristy" so that's why it isn't the best. I think you can get the idea though.

I saw him on my way to meet up with my friends Luke Thayer and Abbi Crutchfield.

We had dinner in Little Italy and did a show in Chinatown. The crowd for that show consisted of a band, ten of their superfans and three other people. The band performed after the three of us did our sets. I have always wondered what it would be like to hear a Puerto Rican kid sing a fusion of Guns N' Roses and Soul Asylum. Come to find out it is even worse than you can imagine.

I'm beginning to wonder if normal comedy ever happens in this city.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Caroline's Comedy Club

My first show this week was at Caroline's Comedy Club, right in the heart of Times Square. The Monday 7:00pm show attracted 38 people. It was a weird show but still fun. My friend took some pictures while I was on stage. I figured I would put up the one that makes me look like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune.

New York City

I am going to spend the next week in New York City. I hope to do a few shows around but most importantly, hang out with my comedy friends to see what it would be like to live here.

While walking around Manhattan with my friend Jason Roberts, I came across this sign:

What I want to know is how they prove who was doing the honking. Maybe that's why there are so many lawyers in New York.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Earth Hour in Syracuse, NY

I was fortunate enough to be performing in Syracuse, NY this weekend. I always have a fun time there and appreciate the great audiences.

This trip was even more gratifying because I was on stage while "Earth Hour" was happening. Some person thought it would be a great idea to have everyone turn off their lights and use no electricity for an hour. Of course, the hour they picked had to be at night, when it is dark outside!

I did not cooperate with this crazy scheme mostly because there are Americans on the space station right now. I can only imagine their reaction when they would look down and see the entire country (by time zone) pitch black. The last thing I want is for some poor astronaut who has to drink purified urine to start thinking that terrorists have blown all the power stations. Then, one hour later all the lights come on. April Fool's!

So it was with great satisfaction that during "Earth Hour", I was standing under large spotlights and using an electric sound system to entertain the good people of Syracuse.

You're welcome, astronauts.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Oswego, NY

Who does comedy in the banquet room at an Econo Lodge?

This guy, that's who.

When in Oswego, NY, don't ask any questions. They still had piles of snow on March 26, so I don't think they know what "normal" is.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

"Back to Business" Radio Show

There is a Small Business Radio Show (called "Back to Business") out of Bangor, ME (that's Maine -- I had to look it up, too) run by Deb Neuman. She saw me at a show I did in January and asked me to talk about the business of comedy the week of April Fool's Day. It was fun to be a part of the show and also made me realize that what I do for a living sounds completely insane to the casual listener. Luckily, Chris Quimby and Ray Harrington were also a part of the show. They are Maine comedians that are getting started on the comedian journey so it was nice to hear their perspectives.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Detroit Comedy Festival

I was named a "Best of the Fest" in the Detroit International Comedy Festival! I had a great time and really enjoyed performing at Ridley's Comedy Castle with Ryan Hamilton and Ken Barnard. We combined forces to put on one of the whitest shows ever performed in the city of Detroit. Both Ryan and Ken are hilarious and you should definitely see them when they come through your city.

Ken and I got so hungry during the show we had to go get some food. I went with the classic Subway $5 footlong but later realized I should have followed Ken to Jimmy John's. Either way, we were both happy to get some food and didn't want to share with anyone, even comedy superfan Angel.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Hilarious Painting

I saw this hanging in the lobby of JR's Last Laugh Comedy Club and have never laughed so hard at a painting in my life. Tell me this isn't the best caption to a painting you have ever seen.

Ed Miracle's painting depicts Christopher Columbus' ships about to go over the edge of the world, meaning the world really is flat. The tiny row boat (with a motor) is going up stream trying to tell them but the huge ships sail ahead to their impending doom. Really brilliant work.

Now you know the first image that comes to mind when I do a new joke that my friends say isn't funny (and it doesn't get a decent laugh). That big ship going over the edge is yet another one of my jokes never to heard again.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Mojo & Nat Morning Radio Show

As a comedian, I have been a guest on many radio shows, most of them in the morning. Very few have been as much fun as Erie, PA's Mojo & Nat on Rocket1o1. It was a lot of fun being on the show with fellow comedian Tom Foss. He and I have different styles that really played well with the group.

The running theme on the show was the gigantic squirrels that seem to be taking over Erie. I guess some have gotten pretty militant in the last year, too.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Grape Pickers

I am the newest fan of North East High School in Pennsylvania. Why? Because their mascot is the Grape Pickers. How unbelievable is that? They even have gear. I was lucky enough to receive a rally towel that says "Picker Pride".

And to think my high school mascot was the Warriors. Lame.

I know all about the Grape Pickers because The North East High School Athletic Boosters had a fund raiser at JR's Last Laugh Comedy Club in Erie, PA tonight. They also had a raffle where one of the prizes was... a case of DASANI bottled water! What? I guess that beats another one of the prizes: a 12-pack of Welch's Grape Juice.

It was at this point that I thought maybe they are taking this Grape Picker thing a little too far.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Athens, OH

Valentine's Day with Stewart Huff in Athens, OH. It sounds like something movies are made of. Every once in a while, I work with a headliner that is a lot of fun and I wish we had more time to hang out. But this was just one night of shows, so I will have to wait to meet up with Stewart at a later time.

The shows were a lot of fun because the people could really laugh at themselves and at their ridiculous Movies 10 that is in the middle of a cornfield on the way to nowhere. Check out the official directions here. It is the weirdest thing you have ever seen. Everyone knows about it and the parking lot is almost packed. If you build it, they will come. Maybe Field of Dreams is always playing there.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Wabash, IN

If you had to guess the first electrically lighted city in the world, would you guess Wabash, IN? Me neither but then we'd both be wrong. On March 31, 1880, four street lights lit up the courthouse square to everyone's amazement. Unfortunately, I think Wabash has been on a steady decline since then. This was most evident when I could barely see the billboard bragging that they were the first electrically lighted city because the lights were out.

Irony is a beautiful thing.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Bangor, ME

I have come to realize that Maine is for people that are too nice to live in Massachusetts. Seriously. Everyone from the rental car guys to the hotel staff to the crowd were so friendly. For those of you that have never been to Bangor, it is not on the way to anywhere. The people in Bangor are going to, well, Bangor. When you see people in some cities, you can tell yourself, "Oh, they're not from here. They are just on their way to somewhere else." Well that doesn't work in Bangor because the next stop (after a ton of trees) is Canada. In case you need some fun facts about Bangor, ME, here you go:

- This is the home of the author Stephen King.

- There is a 31-foot tall Paul Bunyan statue there. Private citizens funded the building of this statue in the town square.

I was quickly corrected when I called it a lumberjack statue. "No, that's Paul Bunyan", was the immediate response. Well maybe someone needs to raise some more funding for a blue ox, so visitors won't get him confused for a regular old lumberjack.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Kimberly, WI

I made a return visit to Tanner's in Kimberly, WI for a WOZZ Listener Appreciation Show. They are a great Bob & Tom affiliate and I appreciated them inviting me to be a part of the show with Tim Cavanaugh. Tanner's is normally an indoor volleyball, basketball, bar and concert venue. I don't get to perform in one of those every week, so here are some pictures from inside with the owners and Tim.

Of course they invite me to visit Kimberly when it is ridiculously cold. On the way into town, the car said it was zero outside. I was not surprised the check engine light was on. It was a rental so I didn't worry too much about it.

I guess that explains the reason Lake Winnebago was frozen. Can you believe people actually live here?

Maybe it's because of the awesome pizza at Rocky Rococo's in Appleton. Be sure to ask for the chocolate chip cookies for desert.

The highlight of the drive was passing OshVegas Palms Resort, an RV Park outside of Oshkosh, WI. No, I am not making this up. Here is the picture to prove it.