Sunday, November 22, 2009

Clinton County Comedy Tour

The Clinton County Comedy Tour shows this weekend were a lot of fun. Thank you to everyone who came out and brought friends. Kristin Key really enjoyed herself and commented several times how unique these comedy shows are because nothing like this happens anywhere else.

Each time I do the shows, I try to write a new "Top 10" that has to do with Clinton County, IL. Some of these might relate if you are from a small town in the Midwest. Since I just moved to New York City, I thought there were some ways that I might be able to bring a little Southern Illinois to the big city.

Top 10 Ways to Clinton County-ize New York City

10. Have the Deien Chevy Monster Truck in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

9. Have a church picnic at St. Patrick's Cathedral. Can you imagine how many beer wagons that would be?

8. Rename Chinatown to Frogtown because I've seen both of them on a map but have never actually been. Then it occurred to me, what if I finally make it to Frogtown, IL and it's full of Chinese people?

7. The first day of deer hunting season -- stock markets closed. It's a half day of school so I think the world's finances can wait while people go kill stuff.

6. The Statue of Liberty will now be holding quilt bingo cards and a Ski bottle torch.

5. In order to make the Broadway in New York City like the Broadway in Trenton, IL, I am going to drop a four-way stop right in the middle of Times Square. Maybe even a car wash. That way everyone from Clinton County knows where to meet. "See you at the four-way."

4. Central Park is no Kaskaskia River but I bet it'd look better if we built some clubhouses and had four-wheeler rentals.

3. Have a Rakers family reunion at Madison Square Garden. It's a basketball arena but there'd still be standing room only.

2. Rename the Mets-Yankees "Subway Series" the "Milk Bowl" because it involves a team that always loses (the Mets) and a team that is the root of all evil (Mater Dei).

and the number 1 way to Clinton County-ize New York City...

1. At New Year's Eve, instead of a lighted ball drop, we'll have a huge washer going into a PVC cup. That's five points. Unless it's windy and you get a leaner. Then it's only 3.