Open-mic Heckler

The open-mic shows are never intended to be really good shows. They are used by comedians to get more experience or try new material. One of my biggest pet peeves is when some ignorant moron decides to heckle a comedian, especially during an open-mic.

That is exactly what happened tonight.

The crowd consisted of about 70 people, most of which were there to see a guy going up for the first time. They were not really interested in anyone else that came up so the show suffered. Right before I was about to go on, a guy (ends up his name is Tony) in the audience decides to heckle a newer comedian. He tells the kid that he sucks and calls him a coward for not wanting to engage in a verbal battle. The comedian then introduces me and it couldn’t have played out any better.

I ask Tony what his problem is and why he would ever heckle, let alone at an open-mic. Tony then tells me that he could show me how comedy should really be done. So I called him out and brought him to the stage. I then proceeded to sit in the front row and heckle him to no end. I was absolutely ruthless, not letting him get a complete sentence out of his mouth without yelling "You suck!" or "That was hilarious!" or "Nice try!". It was made easier by the fact that he was wearing a sweater that looked like something Bill Cosby wore in 1987.

The best part was when Tony told me that he can be funny about anything and asked me for a topic. Naturally, I picked something not funny at all – abortion. I jumped all over Tony for not being funny before finally getting back on stage and explaining to him that he had no punchlines and should never heckle anyone, especially at an open-mic.

I doubt that he learned his lesson but it was an amazing feeling to take out a heckler by putting him on stage and watch him go down in flames.